Because we're about service here at Zap2it, we're gonna give you the important part -- such as it is -- of Friday's (Sept. 5) "Big Brother 4" right up front. Here you go, then.

Head of Household Robert nominated Jun and Alison for eviction, sparing his ex-girlfriend, Erika, and setting up a fierce veto competition in the next episode.

Oh that CBS would be so succinct in its packaging of the show. Unfortunately, programs have to at least 6 minutes long to qualify for the Nielsens, so we were treated to about 54 minutes of spectacularly inane filler before getting to Robert's obvious choice.

To wit:

We join the four remaining players shortly after Robert wins HoH. He's pleased with himself and says he did it for his vanquished fellow Dream Teamers, Moe and Curly -- er, Justin and Jee. He then launches in to a melancholy lament about how he's lonely without the other Stooges. You almost think he's going to grab a 40-ounce and pour some out for his homies.

Jun then keenly observes that she and her remaining "Angels" are all very strong women, but that all three are quite "sneaky" as well and likely to turn on each other.

Wouldn't you know, the next segment is devoted to Erika's fawning over Robert's reminders of home in the HoH bedroom while Ali and Jun turn a rather unbecoming shade of emerald.

As Erika continues to chat with her ex, the other two women are seen professing their hate for her, calling her a "slut b----" and worse. Erika notes, however, that she's at least in a position where Robert has to rely on her more than she does him.

Robert wants Alison gone, but Erika is leaning toward Jun, reasoning that Jun would likely win if she and Erika were the final two.

Next we see Jun giving Robert a massage, which we're led to believe is a fairly regular occurrence in the house. The night's lone bit of comedy comes when Robert opines that Jun gets turned on by rubbing his scrawny little back.

"If it was someone else, I might get a little excited, [but] it's not sensual in any way, shape or form," says Jun, who, to her credit, manages not to double over in a fit of laughter at the notion of being turned on by Robert.

The food competition involves decorating and then smashing pinatas. Moody Rob at first refuses to take part, saying the project only reminds him of the daughter he hasn't seen all summer. When he does return, he does a job that can't even be charitably described as half-assed.

Fortunately for him, his rations for the week aren't based on aesthetic appeal. Instead, each contestant has to smash her or his peso-laden pinata and then take 10 seconds to scoop up as much of the Mexican currency as possible.

A total of less than 500 pesos means peanut butter and jelly for the week, but anything over 2,400 pesos wins them dinner from a four-star restaurant every night. They collect a little over 2,800 pesos, which means the good grub is on. At current exchange rates of roughly 11 pesos to the dollar, they're also getting a pretty fantastic deal -- a week of gourmet meals for four for under $260.

After more anguish about the shrinking dining-room table, a montage of Alison killing bugs and Ali talking about her childhood diseases, we see a brief flurry of strategizing and jockeying for position. It means little, as we've known from opening minutes that Erika was safe for now.

Robert explains his nominations by saying he "fears" Alison and thinks Jun is the smartest player in the game. Yawn.

When does the next "Survivor" start?